Financial Awakenings

Interior Finance and Your Net Worth

Listen to Rick's column here: Download interior_finance_and_your_net_worth.mp3

As most readers of this column know, I have a written a lot about the importance of the emotional side of money and how our beliefs about it affect, not only our investment decisions, but every money decision we make.

I am still occasionally surprised that this idea, which has become commonplace to me and I hope to you as well, is still "cutting edge" information to most professionals in the financial world. One of those who recently became aware of it was Jonathan Clements, columnist for The Wall Street Journal.

In his September 13 column, "Touchy-Feely Finances: How To Find Out What You Really Want From Your Money," Clements expressed amazement that the interior side of money was more than "yet another dubious attempt by advisers to justify their hefty fees." He was surprised at how effective two integrated financial planning exercises were in helping people rethink their finances.

Clements affirmed what I have already seen, that the trend among better financial advisers is to add interior financial services to their traditional financial planning practices. Most of the profession calls these services "life planning," "financial life planning," "values based financial planning," "financial coaching," and "wealth coaching." I use the term "integrated financial planning."

I am glad that Clements is now joining another Wall Street Journal columnist, Jeffrey Zaslow, in understanding the importance of what we think, feel, and believe about money. It is just as vital as is exterior financial knowledge such as asset allocation, good estate planning, and asset protection.

I am excited that the mainstream financial press is beginning to awaken to what my colleagues and I have been learning for over ten years. While much of this was theory ten years ago, today I can look back and count hundreds of lives that have been changed when people uncovered and began to understand their unconscious beliefs about money.

Just recently, a participant in one of the weeklong "financial therapy" workshops I co-facilitate with Ted Klontz, Ph.D., called to tell me how that workshop had changed his life. Until he came to our workshop, he was in a helping profession because his underlying beliefs were "the only thing that really counts in life is helping people" and "if you do anything for money, it is evil." These beliefs caused him a lot of pain, since he had a natural affinity for real estate and finance. He had to suppress those abilities because they were "evil."

What he learned about his unconscious beliefs set him free. Today, he has expanded his career to help people overcome their financial demons. While he is still helping people, he is also accumulating a real estate portfolio for himself. He told me that his assets just surpassed $1 million and that he owed it all to what he learned about his interior beliefs about money. "Until I came to your workshop, I would sabotage every real estate deal that came my way. It was all because of my unconscious belief that making money, having money, and understanding money was evil. And of course, I didn't want to be an evil person so I was continually sabotaging myself."

The interesting thing about his feedback was, while I had seen scores of people vastly improve the quality of their life, it really hadn't occurred to me that many of these people also improved their financial net worth.

So, call it what you will—touchy-feely finances, the emotional side of money, or integrated financial planning—it works. It not only works to increase your quality of life, but it can do wonderful things to your net worth, too.

What's Scarier Than a Heavyweight Boxer?

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I recently read an interesting article by Timothy L. O'Brien of The New York Times. It was published on September 18, 2006, in the online edition of the International Herald Tribune under the title, "Fortune's fools: Why the rich go broke." (To read the complete article, go to http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/09/18/business/web.0918broke.php.)

  O'Brien interviewed former boxing champion George Foreman. Today, many of us associate Foreman more with oven mitts than boxing gloves. Yet his successful second career as a marketer of George Foreman grills came only after Foreman made boxing history. In 1994, after coming out of retirement and at the age of 45, he won the heavyweight championship against an opponent young enough to be his son.

Why would a middle-aged man, a former champion who had earned millions, choose to subject himself again to the punishing demands and high risks of the boxing ring? To prove he could still do it? For the challenge? Those factors may have been part of it—though, speaking as a man who just turned 50, it would have seemed a lot easier to deal with a mid-life crises in the traditional way, by buying a sports car.

Foreman told O'Brien his real reason for returning to boxing—money. In the late 1980s, he was facing bankruptcy, a more frightening opponent for him than the most aggressive competitor in the boxing ring.

Interestingly, Foreman seems not to have blown his early winnings on high living. Instead, he invested his money. Unfortunately, his investments were unsuccessful. After he made his second fortune, he was wise enough to seek out better advice, and today he is by all appearances a wealthy man.

Yet, in what to me was the most interesting part of O'Brien's article, Foreman revealed he still didn't feel comfortable about money, saying, "I will never feel secure again."

This is a man one has to admire for his determination and capability. Even more important, he has had the wisdom to learn from his mistakes. Yet not even his current success has been enough to erase the scars left by his earlier difficulties.

O'Brien quoted Foreman's assessment that real wealth is more than just one's net worth. "If you're confident, you're wealthy," he said. "I've seen a lot of guys with millions and they don't have any confidence. So they're not wealthy."

Even though Foreman has apparently not achieved that confidence himself, his definition is right on target. Your level of fear or discomfort about money has little to do with how much of it you have. Lying awake at night worrying about money is a stressful way to live, regardless of your income level.

The fact that someone with money may worry about it or not have the sense to hire competent investment advisors may come as a surprise to you, as it once did to me. I believed that if you had money, you felt secure, you were smart, and you knew how to manage it so you would always have "enough."

Over the years I’ve found out these beliefs were more often incorrect than correct. This is why I have broadened my financial planning practice to include helping clients develop healthier relationships with money. Much as I enjoy managing portfolios and the nuts and bolts of investing, that aspect of my work alone is no longer enough for most of my clients. It's much more rewarding to help people move toward emotional confidence as well as financial security.

My wealthiest clients are not necessarily the ones with the highest net worth, but the ones who are comfortable with what they have and able to use their resources to build satisfying lives.

Alternative Routes to the American Dream

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Owning your own business—it's part of the American Dream. For most people, however, the dream should stay a dream. In my experience, very few people have the combination of skills needed to successfully run their own businesses.

Knowing whether you have the skills to operate your own business is an accomplishment all on its own. Those insightful people who can discern their limitations are often the ones who achieve financial success helping make their employers or companies successful. An example might be a man who is a skilled salesman with outstanding people skills, but who is frustrated by financial details and quickly bored with office routines. He is likely to be happier, as well as financially more successful, working for a company that rewards his selling skills than he would be trying to manage a business of his own.

There is a classic book called The E Myth, by Michael E. Gerber, which I recommend to anyone thinking of getting into business. Gerber says there are three skills necessary in running your own business: technical, managerial, and entrepreneurial. If you fail at any one of these, your business is probably going to end up consuming you, your assets, and your dream.

Most of us start out in business as technicians. That is, we learn our trade, whether it is in sales, technology, medicine, law, or hundreds of other vocations, and we learn it well. So well, in fact, that we may start dreaming about becoming the boss.

When you start daydreaming about owning the place, that's the time you we really need to wake up and take notice. If you expect to make that dream come true, you have to be willing not only to work hard, but also to expand your knowledge and skills. You may be a phenomenal technician, but to be successful in business, you’ve got to acquire management and entrepreneurial skills.

Teaching technical skills is the core competency of colleges and universities, but that academic arena isn't the best place to learn how to be a successful manager and entrepreneur. Certainly there are useful classes available, as well as many books on management, and it's a good idea to take advantage of them. In addition, you can learn by observing successful business owners. Finding someone willing to serve as a mentor is one of the wisest things a prospective business owner can do.

When it comes to management skills, one of the most critical areas is understanding finance. Too many aspiring business owners just don’t have a clue when it comes to understanding how money works. Yet it is darn near impossible to be successful without a basic understanding of what drives your income, where you spend your money, and what is left over (the profit) that keeps you in business by driving further innovation and capital investment. What is left after all that is your reward for taking the risks inherent to being in business.

That reward—the lure of financial and career success—is what most would-be entrepreneurs focus on when they're at the dreaming stage. There's nothing wrong with having it as a goal and an incentive. At the same time, it's essential to realize that the way to gain that reward is to do the day-to-day work it takes to manage a business.

If you wouldn't enjoy learning or practicing managerial and entrepreneurial skills as well as technical ones, it's unlikely that you would succeed as a business owner. Fortunately, there are many other routes to success. The best way to fulfill your dreams is to choose a route that's the best fit for your skills and talents.

Money Secrets or Money Privacy?

Click here to listen to Rick's column:Download money_secrets_or_money_privacy.mp3

One of the projects I'm currently involved in with co-authors Ted and Brad Klontz is a book for couples about financial infidelity. In that work, a question that came up is the difference between financial secrets and financial privacy.

Our society does not encourage us to talk about money in personal ways. For example, making a public announcement of your salary, your net worth, or the amount of your debt would be a social faux pas. On the other hand, we tend to expect couples to be completely open with each other when it comes to money. In most cases that expectation is reasonable and useful. Keeping financial secrets within a marriage can have lasting and destructive consequences.

Yet where do couples draw the line between keeping harmful secrets and respecting one another's privacy and autonomy? This can be a complicated question for any couple. It gets even trickier for two-career couples, those in second marriages, and those in non-traditional families.

One thing we tell couples in our Healing Money Issues workshops is that each of them needs to have a certain amount of money that is theirs to spend in any way they wish. The amount will vary according to the family income, but having this separate personal allowance is important. It gives both partners a chance to spend some guilt-free money on themselves. This money is clearly private.

Other situations are less clear. Here are some possible circumstances where limits on a spouse's knowledge might constitute privacy rather than secrecy:

· The couple has agreed to keep their income and assets separate and has established a method of sharing the expenses (such as housing) that are their joint responsibility.

· One spouse owns a separate business with which the other spouse is not involved. It's reasonable for the non-owner spouse to expect to be kept informed of the business's earnings, significant changes or problems, and the like. The details of its day-to-day affairs aren't necessarily the non-owner's concern.

· One spouse manages the financial affairs of an elderly parent or other relative.

· Spouses in a second marriage have children from previous marriages and have brought separate assets into the marriage.

In any of these examples, it's not possible to define a one-size-fits-all boundary between privacy and secrecy. Each couple needs to draw that boundary for themselves, depending on their particular circumstances.

One factor in establishing such a line could be how much support or help spouses might need from each other. If you are paying your mother's bills, for example, you might want your spouse to be able to step in at times you aren't available. If you own a business, you might want your spouse to know enough about it so you can discuss problems or plans for the future.

Another significant factor might be other relationships and commitments within the family. Suppose you are in a second marriage and have adult children who have previously been told they will inherit your assets. Keeping those assets separate from your spouse's assets might be the best way to avoid confusion, misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

The key to deciding whether keeping a money issue separate is secrecy or privacy is the reason behind the decision. If you don't have a lot of energy around the matter one way or another, it's probably a privacy issue. If you would feel embarrassed, ashamed, or otherwise uncomfortable with your spouse knowing something, it's probably a potentially destructive secret. There's a simple way to judge: if you really, really don't want to talk about it, talking about it is probably exactly what you need to do.

"Could I get your phone number? And your net worth statement?"

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO RICK'S COLUMN: Download financial_inequality.mp3

"Could I have your phone number?" That isn't the most creative line to use when you're interested in getting to know a member of the opposite sex, but it's certainly straightforward. You will either get the number, or you won't.

But here is a line that may assure you of never getting the number. "Could I have a copy of your most recent net worth statement?" How unromantic is that?

Yet, hard as the question may be to ask, the answer to it is important. A marriage between two people who are unequal financially can be asking for trouble.

One way to address the problem is through a prenuptial agreement. This is especially important in a second marriage, where there may be "my" kids, "your" kids, and sometimes "our" kids. Sorting out assets and doing some clear legacy planning are important.

Even in a first marriage, a prenuptial agreement is often wise if one spouse has significantly more assets than the other. It can put clarity and intention to the saying, "But dear, you know I am not marrying you for your money." It can also turn a warm and delightful romance into a seemingly cold business transaction.

There is another question, however, that should be considered well before the relationship is at a point where a prenuptial agreement is even an issue. That is, "Why am I in a financially unequal relationship in the first place?"

Okay, I realize I am about to suffer the wrath of every romantic in the world. Ironically, that includes myself. In the past I would have been the first person to say that when it comes to love, money doesn't matter. Today, I am not so sure.

I've had several clients express resentment and fear when they've found themselves in a relationship with someone who is a financial unequal. Take the case of Jill, who inherited a sizeable amount from her parents when they were killed in a car accident. Educated and responsible, she found herself managing an estate of ten million dollars. Enter Brandon. He was a happy-go-lucky free spirit who had neither a dime to his name nor a job. Still, he was charming, and he won Jill's heart.

They dated. They traveled the world—on her money. Eventually, Brandon proposed marriage. Something kept Jill from agreeing. Brandon continued to bring up the topic, but she continued to hold back. Finally she sought advice. Who did she talk to? Her pastor? A therapist? No, her financial planner.

What she told me was that she wanted to marry Brandon, but she felt uncomfortable about their financial inequality. Was he just "gold digging?" As we talked, she admitted feeling angry and used, less because of his relative poverty than because he didn't have a job. She also discovered a pattern in her life of attracting men who needed to be mothered or in some way taken care of. As a result of our conversation, she engaged a counselor who helped her further explore her issues with relationships and also with money.

Eventually, Jill broke off the relationship with Brandon. Her stated goal in the future is to date men who are her peers. Will that mean she asks for their net worth statements on the first date? I doubt it. She isn't necessarily looking for a man who has financial assets equal to her own. She does want someone who is responsible and capable of taking care of himself, someone who clearly doesn't need her for her money. Her intention is to become involved with a man who is more of an equal in every way: emotionally, physically, spiritually, and yes, financially.

Healing from Financial Infidelity

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In the last two columns, we’ve focused on financial infidelity and secret spending. This week, let’s look at the good news. Couples can recover from financial infidelity and learn to change the behaviors behind it. In the Healing Money Issues workshops I co-facilitate through Onsite Workshops, we’ve seen some incredible transformations.

Here are some of the ways couples can work toward a healthier financial partnership:

1. Each person needs to do his or her own financial recovery work. Before you can deal with money issues in a relationship, it’s essential to become aware of and accept responsibility for your own destructive money behavior. One way to begin that work is to identify your own money scripts, or unconscious beliefs about money. (For more information on money scripts and ways to begin changing them, go to www.klontzkahler.com or  www.consciousfinance.com.)

2. Face the possibility that addictions or compulsive behaviors might be part of the secret spending. A gambling addiction is one common reason for taking joint money and lying about spending. Alcoholism and drug abuse can also eat away at family finances and be responsible for financial infidelity. To quote one of my clients, who used to be married to an alcoholic, “Alcoholism isn’t just an emotionally destructive disease. It’s also an expensive one.”

Spending itself can also be an addiction. I’ve worked with people who described getting the same “highs” from spending that addicts get from drugs or alcohol. Sometimes the secret spender simply isn’t able to stop without professional help and long-term support.

3. Commit to honesty and full disclosure in the relationship. Both partners must be willing to change in order to begin healing from the financial infidelity. A crucial first step is a commitment to stop keeping secrets from each other.

4. Both partners agree to take responsibility for the family finances. This means working together to create a realistic spending plan, to continue following that plan, and to solve any problems such as excessive debt. It doesn’t matter who actually writes the checks and pays the bills, but it’s important that both partners commit to learning the basics of money management. It’s also important for both to accept joint responsibility for managing their money.

5. Each partner needs to have some money that is his or her own to spend. Working as partners and committing to financial fidelity doesn’t mean turning into auditors who police every penny the other spends. Quite the opposite is true. It’s important for the joint spending plan to include separate allowances for the partners to spend however they wish. This amount can be large or small, depending on the available resources, but it’s important that it be equal.

6. Work to understand your own style and comfort zone as a couple. Many couples pool all their income and manage all their money jointly. Others are more comfortable keeping some of their finances separate. Neither approach is necessarily right or wrong. It is important, though, to be honest and open about your finances even if you manage them somewhat separately.

7. Get the help you need. Learning money management skills may require taking a class or buying (and reading!) books on personal finance. It may be helpful to get advice from a financial planner or work with a therapist trained in money issues. This is especially true for couples who need to heal from and change a long-time pattern of distrust and dishonesty.

8. Accept the reality that change takes time and effort. Learning healthier money behavior as a couple won’t happen overnight, but it can and will happen if both partners are willing to change. The result—a stronger and more comfortable partnership—is well worth the effort.

Fertile Ground for Financial Infidelity

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO RICK'S WEEKLY COLUMN: Download financial_infidelity_part_ii.mp3

Financial infidelity in a relationship is not usually a behavior that suddenly appears out of nowhere. It often develops over time, and it often grows out of or is part of other problems in the relationship. Like other types of infidelity, it leaves evidence for the partner to find.

These are some of the situations in a relationship that might foster secret spending and financial infidelity.

· Not talking about money. In order for a couple to work together financially, they have to be able to talk about priorities, goals, and difficulties. They have to be able to discuss financial needs. They need to know one another’s income, liabilities, and net worth. Otherwise they won’t have the resources and information to create and maintain a joint spending plan.

· One partner choosing to stay ignorant about family finances. This might include signing joint tax returns without looking at them, refusing to have anything to do with balancing checkbooks, letting the other partner take full responsibility for paying bills, or choosing not to learn about finances. One partner’s ignorance or non-involvement certainly doesn’t justify cheating or lying by the other partner. Still, such passive behavior is an abdication of responsibility. It is refusing to be involved as an equal partner in the financial aspect of the relationship.

·  One partner being a financial bully. If one person tries to control the finances completely or put unreasonable limits on spending, the other partner may feel powerless and see little choice but to hide spending and keep money secrets.

· A relationship where one partner is the “parent” and the other is the “child” when it comes to spending. A couple can slip into this pattern particularly easily if one is more responsible about money than the other or if one earns or has significantly more money than the other. If one spouse feels it necessary to monitor the other’s spending, or one has to ask the other for permission to spend joint funds, they aren’t equals when it comes to money. This inequality can foster resentment and lead to secret spending on either side.

· Closing your eyes to inconsistencies in credit card bills or bank accounts. Financial infidelity leaves traces. Secret spending has to come from somewhere, and it has to go somewhere. Unexplained cash withdrawals, large credit card balances, or grocery bills that seem unrealistically high are all examples of possible signs that a spouse is spending money in secret.

· Choosing not to notice the number of new clothes, electronic gadgets, or household items that mysteriously appear and seem excessive for the family budget. Even if your spouse shops at Wal-Mart rather than Neiman Marcus, bringing home bags and bags of stuff from every shopping trip means that serious money is being spent. The partner who doesn’t seem to pay any attention to all those new possessions might be truly clueless—or might be carefully not asking difficult questions that could lead to a painful confrontation about money.

· Unresolved conflict in a relationship. In a painful relationship, one partner might use spending in an attempt to “get even” with the other. Spending might also be a way to try to feel better or as a distraction from the conflict.

Financial infidelity isn’t necessarily “the problem” in itself. It often is tangled up with other difficulties in the relationship, and it almost always will exacerbate those problems. Even though it is very damaging, it is something a couple can face and can heal from.

Next week we’ll discuss some of the ways a couple can recover from or avoid financial infidelity.

Do You Keep Secrets About Money?

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO RICK'S WEEKLY COLUMN: Download financial_infidelity_part_i.mp3

Do you keep secrets from your partner about your money behavior?  If so, you may be guilty of financial infidelity.

You may have never even considered such a term, or you may find the very thought offensive. For most of us, the word “infidelity,” used in the context of a marriage or other significant relationship, means sexual infidelity. Yet many people who wouldn’t dream of betraying their partners by having an illicit affair may be committing financial infidelity.

This issue is a common one in the financial coaching and counseling my partners and I do through the Klontz Kahler Institute. We have found that being financially unfaithful to a partner has the potential to be just as damaging to the relationship as being sexually unfaithful.

The following behaviors may constitute examples of financial infidelity:

1. Spending a significant amount from joint funds without first discussing the purchase with your partner. The fact that the lawn tractor is “for both of you” or the suit was on sale and “too good a bargain to pass up” doesn’t justify making a unilateral decision.

2. Maintaining a secret stash of cash. This might involve literally hiding cash or keeping a separate checking account, savings account, or investment that you hide from your partner.

3. Lying to your partner about the cost of things you purchase. Whether this qualifies as financial infidelity has nothing to do with the amounts involved. Saying the new shoes you bought were on sale when you paid full price for them is just as much a betrayal as lying about the price of a vacation home or a boat. The betrayal is in the dishonesty, not the dollar amount.

4. Hiding income or assets from your partner. This might include lying about how much you earn, hiding bonuses, being dishonest about your net worth, or accepting secret gifts from parents or other relatives.

5. Overspending and hiding the things you buy from your partner. An all too common example of this is a wife who buys clothes, takes the tags off, and hides the clothes in the closet for a time so she can say later, “No, this isn’t new.”

6. Spending money on or giving money to children or other relatives without telling your partner. Allowing kids to manipulate you or play one parent against the other is a common aspect of this behavior. Not only is it damaging to the relationship, but it also teaches the children inappropriate or destructive financial habits.

7. Going to parents or other family members for emergency loans or gifts without discussing the need with your spouse. Going “over the head” of your partner in this way is disrespectful and damaging to the relationship. It implies that your partner isn’t good enough to support the family or that you and your partner aren’t capable of solving your own financial problems.

8. Risking joint resources for investments or business purposes without your spouse’s knowledge or agreement. An example of this might be taking out a second mortgage on your house in order to buy equipment for your business.

Not all money secrets add up to financial infidelity. Partners shouldn’t need to account to each other for every penny they spend. And saving on the sly for your spouse’s birthday gift is a lot different from lying about the cost of that new computer gadget you just had to have. Secrets cross the line into infidelity when they are for the purpose of protecting yourself from the consequences of your financial behavior.

In next week’s column, we’ll take a look at some of the mistakes partners make and some of the habits in a relationship that can foster financial infidelity.

Mastering Your Money – Once and For All!

Beginning: May 4th, 2006  
When: Thursdays 5:00 p.m.(MT)

Finally, an affordable and practical way for you to learn to be your money's master instead of its servant. Here is your chance to experience and apply Integrated Financial Planning to your life with Laura Longville, interior financial coach and her special guest, nationally known financial planner and author, Rick Kahler.

They will share with you the breakthrough approach that was recently featured in Wynonna Judd’s new book, Coming Home To Myself, using the same methods which The Wall Street Journal hailed as "an innovative effort that combines experiential coaching with nuts-and-bolts financial planning."

In this 8-week group coaching session, Laura and Rick will use the same tools, techniques, and exercises they have used successfully with their clients.  We will show you how to recognize ways unconscious Money Scripts may keep you trapped; how to deal with the relationship between your net worth and your self-worth; how to discover your authentic goals and values; how to permanently change self-destructive money behaviors; and how to have a complete financial plan that will give you the peace and serenity you so desperately desire.

You will get some of Rick and Laura’s:

• Professional advice personalized to your own situation that won’t cost thousands?
• Tips on how to spend less, save more, and spend more on what nurtures you?
• Ways you and your partner can stop fighting about money and work as a team?
• Personalized investment advice from a pro that has managed billions?
• Concrete steps that can, “once and for all,” change destructive behaviors around money?

Regular tuition is $597, today's reduced tuition is $197.

Join Rick and Laura as they lead you through the seven principles of integrated financial planning. Each session will feature personalized insight and wisdom from Rick and Laura on how you can be sure each principle is fully functioning to enrich and empower your life.

To register, contact Laura Longville at 605.342.0478 or lauralongville@inatm.com

Financial Independence--Expanding Your Choices

LISTEN TO RICK'S COLUMN WEEKLY:  Download financial_independence.mp3

In last week’s column, I talked about defining retirement as doing what you want to do, when you want to do it, with the people you want to be with. When you define it that way, “retirement” becomes something you can begin to do long before you reach what we think of as retirement age.

As a follow-up to that idea, here’s a question for you. What would you be if you were financially independent?

Notice, I did not ask you what you would do or what you would buy, but what you would “be”. How would you spend your time? How would you like to like to “show up” in the world?

Would you choose to have a job? If so, what would that job be? Would you earn money (even though you didn’t need any money) or volunteer your time? Would you focus on being with your family or friends? How would that time you spend with them look?

You could spend your time being in the moment, just having fun. What does having fun look like to you? It might be anything: sleeping late, watching old movies on television, hiking, playing golf, traveling—the list is endless.

You might decide to change jobs. You might go back to school to work toward a career in a completely new field. You might get involved in local politics or volunteer at a charity you support. Maybe you’d spend time on hobbies you’ve always wanted to try or take classes in anything from fly-fishing to flying just because they interested you.

With your new wealth, you might hire someone to do basic chores like house cleaning or yard work, to free you to be what you really wanted. For example, perhaps hiring someone else to do tasks you don’t like would free you to spend more time being healthy and in good physical condition. You might find a personal trainer to help you develop a health and fitness routine.

You may want to be more spiritual, spending more time in study, meditation, prayer, involved in your church, or at spiritual retreats. Maybe you’d spend your time learning how to be a better spouse or a better friend. The range of choices is vast; think about what you’d put on your own list.

If you read last week’s column, you probably know what’s coming next. How might you incorporate some of those choices into your life now, even though you are not financially independent?

If you’re working at a job you dislike or one that doesn’t interest you any more, changing careers is certainly an option. People do it all the time. I’m not suggesting you go in tomorrow morning and tell your boss you’re quitting. But you can start working on a plan to make that career move in the next six months, year, or even five years.

If your wish list includes things like spending more time with family, volunteering, or running for city council, maybe it’s time to take a closer look at your priorities. Are they supported by the ways you spend your time now? Maybe you still belong to an organization that no longer interests you. Maybe you spend your weekends keeping up your house and yard to someone else’s standards. Consider what you might give up or get rid of instead of just squeezing more commitments into an already crowded schedule.

One of the biggest advantages of being financially independent is that it expands your choices. Consider turning that around. Start with expanding your choices, and you may just be able to live more richly and independently.